Human beings are beautiful, but GOD we are hilariously flawed. Being able to create relatable content about the inner-workings of the human brain is not an easy, but Katie Florence has found a light-hearted and funny way to showcase how contradictory our inner thoughts and subsequent actions are. Her videos are not only comedically genius, but encourages people to be more honest about their flawed (yet funny) thoughts. The more we can truthfully talk about what’s going on in our heads, the better we function in every part of our life. Katie Florence is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs, and… why is she only on TikTok? Why isn’t she on TV!? HELLO – CAN SOMEONE FIX THIS!?
Every generation has its strengths and weaknesses. Gen Z is woke, but remember when they started eating tide pods? Wild. Millennials are super hard working, but suck as committing to anything. Boomers built a lot of great things, but God WHY WON’T YOU RE-CONSIDER YOUR RACIST AND SEXIEST OLD FASHIONED WAYS!? Anyway, B Mo the Prince (Brain Moller) videos puts each generation in a room and lets them straight up ROAST each other. Obviously, the videos are hilarious, but more importantly he highlights the differences and stereotypes associated with each generation, which not only generates great comedy, but low-key unites the generations so we can point out our generational flaws, laugh at it, fix it, and build a better tomorrow. He’s making the world a better place – one video at a time.
Modern technology is amazing, but even with all of that innovation, our devices are stupid and their flaws causes minor inconveniences and not-so-minor embarrassments in our everyday lives. Molly May Rockwell – knows as “the GPS girl” on TikTok for her videos making fun of how hilariously unintuitive GPS apps are – makes videos showing us what it would be like if our devices could talk to us, and it is so funny. I could watch her all day. Could someone give her a show so I could watch her all day? Snapchat, Netflix – seriously, anyone that can make this happen – MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!
A note from the author about how “The Raven” by Edgardo Allan Poe came to be written:
“I was inspired to write that story when I was arrested by ICE. One day, somebody knock on my door and they say, “Your pizza’s ready.” I did not order no pizza. And also it was seven o’clock in the morning. When I open the door, eight guys in Pizza Hut polos rushed in and they suplex me through my TV. Apparently a lady called 911 and said, “A Latino in a house.” I spent two months in prison, but they had to let me go because actually I was born in Baltimore, Maryland. When I was one years old, my family moved to Uruguay so my dad could be the first manager at the first Sears in Montevideo.”
The Raven • by Edgardo Allan Poe
The Raven flew into my house like a bat out of hell.
And it landed on the head of my life-size statue of JFK.
“Raven, it is after midnight,” I say.
“I am trying to nap.”
But the Raven say, “Nevermore.”
I told the Raven that now that me and Leonora had broken up,
I would try to eat healthy and work out,
but the Raven say, “Nevermore.”
“Get out of here, you stupid, evil Raven!” I say.
“You cannot come to a man’s house and torment him like this.”
But the Raven say, “Nevermore.”
Finally, the Raven left after I open a window and I sprayed the bird with Glade.
Given that 2020 has been an unending shit show of political turmoil, climate disasters, and a global pandemic, it’s understandable that some of the less urgent or, shall we say, completely dire things that have transpired over the last year have flown under the radar. Two of these news stories that were drowned out by the fact that the world is on fire, both figuratively and literally, come to us from Spain, and both involve the arts.
Spain, like much of Europe, was forever changed by its Renaissance period, and is well-known for the works of art created during that period and in the centuries that followed. What’s definitely less cool for Spain, though, is it’s also globally renowned for some of the worst art restorations of all time.
You may recall in 2012 when a parishioner offered to fix a flaking 1930’s fresco of Jesus painted inside the church she attends in northeast Spain, and, despite the fact that she’s a recreational painter with no training whatsoever in art restoration, the priest said, “This seems like a good idea, knock yourself out.”
And so, Ecce Homo became Monkey Jesus.
When Monkey Jesus (or Potato Jesus, whichever speaks to you more) was unveiled to the world, we all collectively went, “Well, that’s it, that’s the worst restoration, nothing could possibly top this.”
Over the last six months Spain has blessed cursed us with not one, but TWO more crimes against the arts, possibly humankind as a whole. The first took place back in June, and I’m honestly furious that I’m just learning about it today.
As first reported by The Guardian, an art collector in Valencia paid a furniture restorer around $1,400 to clean a piece in their private collection, a copy of 17th century painting The Immaculate Conception of Los Venerables. Considering the excellent state the painting was already in, this should’ve been a fairly straight-forward job.
Except this collector hired a furniture restorer, which would be like hiring your dad’s buddy who restores classic cars to, well, clean a coveted 17th century painting.
The result was, to use an art term, a goddamn nightmare.
I think that’s when most of us would throw in the towel, call up the art collector, and be like, “Okay, don’t be mad—” But no, the furniture-restorer-turned-art-destroyer decided that they could still fix this! So they gave it another go,
and made it so much worse, somehow.
A lot of decisions led up to this point, none of them good.
The second curséd “restoration” was unleashed upon humanity earlier this week in the Spanish town of Palencia. The victim of this crime wasn’t a painting, but a sculpture adorned on the exterior of a building, and the person commissioned to restore it was Antonio Capel — a painter. Okay, crazy idea, but imagine if we tasked the restoration of works of art to —bear with me, here— people who are trained to restore works of art. Just a thought!
The sculpture before the heinous restoration took place looked, honestly, pretty fine?
It’s not clear what part of this sculpture was in need of restoration, but based on the results, I’m assuming the problem was that this just looked a little too human.
I mean, it’s fine, I guess, if the goal is making babies cry and opening a portal to a dimension of pure pain and suffering. And, alright, aside from the fact that these restorations are straight up abominations, one could argue they are pretty accurate reflections of the year we’ve all had. Like if there is one picture that perfectly summarizes where I’m at mentally and emotionally in eleventh month of 2020, it’s this.
Alexis Pereira is writer and comedian from Queens, New York. The first in his family to be born in America, Alexis grew up in a large Colombian family where there was no shortage of laughter, jokes and large parties.
Being first-generation, he felt a bit like an outsider growing up, which has greatly impacted his comedic voice. He’s drawn to strange characters, fish-out-of-water perspectives and strong points of view. Alexis has appeared on Broad City, Late Night with Seth Meyers, MTV’s Middle of the Night Show, and NPR. He also hosts a weekly podcast called “The Alexis Pereira Program,” where he discusses current affairs.
Hi there! Hello! Did everyone have a good Tuesday? Was it pretty regular and unremarkable now that the election is over and things have started to return to the pandemic new-normal? Well, sorry to inform you that that part of your day is over.
Buckle up, fuckos, shit is about to get so weird.
Okay, for those of you who, like me, are not familiar with minor players in the Republican Party, Dean Browning is a Pennsylvania-based Republican who ran for Congress this year and lost in the primary in June. Today, though, he managed to become one of the most talked about Republicans in the entire country — for the worst, most insane reason.
Earlier today, in response to one of his own tweets, Dean Browning tweeted this.
If you’re confused and thinking, Wait, is that Dean Browning, a whole entire blue-eyed white man who is married to a woman, saying that he’s a “Black gay guy”? Don’t worry! You’re not having a stroke, that is indeed what’s happening here.
So, the question is, what the fuck?
That tweet from Dean Browning seems like it definitely was not intended to come from Dean Browning because, well, it wasn’t supposed to come from Dean Browning. As sleuths on Twitter quickly discovered, this exact language matches a different account bearing the name of Dan Purdy and a cartoon of a Black man as the display picture. But how does Dean fit into this? Well, you know all the talk of fake accounts and “Russian bots” out there on Twitter and Facebook whose sole purpose is pushing specific political narratives and agendas? In this case, the call is coming from inside the house.
“Dan Purdy” is a fake, alternate account Dean Browning was using in order to make his extreme right-wing views appear supported and endorsed by the very people they target and threaten the most: People of color, particularly Black people, and the LGBTQ+ community.
In short, Dean Browning was masquerading as a gay Black man to push his agenda.
Equal parts hilarious and deeply disturbing, right? But wait, there’s more.
It didn’t take long for this extreme fumble to catch fire and spread all over Twitter, which meant Dean couldn’t exactly sweep this under the rug and move on. So about an hour after Dean’s “I am a gay Black man” tweet, the supposed owner of the Dan Purdy account tweeted a video addressing these allegations and denying everything, which was then quote-tweeted by Browning himself.
The video was removed from Twitter because the Dan Purdy account was suspended (which we will get into later) so here is a screenshot, followed by the transcript.
“Hey guys, my name is Dan Purdy, and I am indeed a gay Black man. The message that you saw on Dean’s twitter was posted— I don’t actually know how it was posted, but I did send it to him, because I had a problem with how people of my race and sexual persuasion are treating Donald Trump. I don’t have a problem with Donald Trump on those levels, and I don’t understand why so many pretend to. Donald Trump has never done anything to hurt me, either as a gay man or as a Black man, nor has he done anything to hurt anybody in the four years that he’s been in office because he hasn’t had time to! So what’s the big deal? I sent that message to Dean, Dean accidentally posted it somehow, and that’s the end of the story. No, he’s not a sock puppet, no I’m not a bot. I hope you understand.”
The internet is eternal, though, so if you want to watch the video you can here.
Now we don’t have time to dissect all of that, but the most burning question is who is this man in the video? Is this actually Dan Purdy?
The short answer is, nope!
The man in the video does claim to be “a Black gay man” named Dan Purdy who has a bone to pick with “people of [his] sexual persuasion” which is, y’know the kind of language any real, bona fide gay man would use to talk about himself. But as folks on Twitter deduced almost immediately (the devil works hard but Twitter works harder), this guy isn’t “Dan Purdy.” His name is William Holte.
Okay, so the next question is, who the shit is William Holte? I’d say “guess” but you literally never would.
He’s Patti LaBelle’s son.
Yeah, the one and only Patti LaBelle. So how did he end up as the frontman in this whole situation, posing as and stating on video that he is this fictitious, uber-conservative gay Black man Dan Purdy?
That’s where things get a little fuzzy.
Turns out William Holte is a Pennsylvania donor to WinRed, an RNC-endorsed fundraising platform for the Republican party.
Oh, also, fun fact worth mentioning, he’s an out-and-proud hater of women. William Holte, aside from being related to Patti LaBelle, is most well-known for writing articles on Medium about how much he hates women (I’m not going to link it because if you really want to read that shit you can Google it yourself, he’s not getting free clicks here) and how the rise of women apparently means the fall of men. Sounds like a lot of personal insecurity to me, but okay.
Okay, so we’ve established that they both suck. But how does that connect them?
Well, considering that William Holte is a Pennsylvania-based Republican donor with some pretty shitty and loud personal views and literacy in social media, it makes sense that he would link up with Dean Browning, a Pennsylvania Republican politician who is A) equally shitty, B) white and therefore is already taken more seriously in the Republican Party, and C) has a coveted ~*verified*~ badge on Twitter running for Congress and wants to make his alt-right views appeal to voters outside his usual base— immigrants, people of color, and those who believe women should have more rights than an assault rifle would if it were to grow legs and start talking.
But the question remains… who is Dan Purdy?
Both of them! They both are! Dan Purdy, just like Santa Claus, is the collective work of more than one imagination, and is completely fake.
Remember when I said the Dan Purdy Twitter account was suspended, and that we’d get into that later? Now is later. Even though between the two of them, William Holte is the media-savvy and experienced one, he has a signature, the same way villains in murder-mysteries do in that it’s distinct and intentional and seems really fucking dumb to leave behind if you don’t want to get caught.
He uses the same exact display picture for his fake Twitter accounts —of which there have been multiple, because they get suspended for being fake accounts— as he does for his real, personal Facebook account.
Nothing says ‘legitimate’ like putting “I’m a gay black gay guy” in your bio
And the only way that the tweet intended for “Dan Purdy” could end up coming from Dean Browning’s Twitter account is if either Dean or William didn’t know they were signed into the wrong account when they tweeted it, and the only way they would’ve been confused about which account they were signed into is if they had signed into multiple accounts and could toggle back-and-forth between them in Twitter.
If you have the login information for more than one account, you don’t have to sign out of any of them in order to switch between them. For example, I can access my own personal Twitter account, but I can also access the Funny Or Die account.
So whoever posted that tweet about being “a gay Black guy” did so before checking to make sure that they’re active on the correct account, which seems like a Scooby Doo-level fuck up to me, but hey, it’s probably hard to juggle a bunch of bullshit accounts at once. The only real question left is, if both Dean and William were managing and had access to Dean’s and the fake accounts, then who shit the bed and tweeted from the wrong account?
The truth is we don’t know, and it’s impossible to say for sure.
But! I do have a theory.
We’ve asserted that William Holte is savvy at minimum on Facebook, Medium, and Twitter, so with that in mind—
1. Anyone literate and well-versed in social media knows that the internet is forever.
Listen, as someone who also manages a personal account and a shared account (the company I work for, in this case) there is nothing like feeling your stomach fall out of your ass when you see that you’ve posted from the wrong account, and the immediate reaction is “oh fuck delete delete delete.” That did not happen in this case. This accidental tweet was left up for so long that it garnered the attention of, well, pretty much everyone online, even though Dean Browning only has around 50K followers and is not a key Republican by any means.
So that means whoever messed up didn’t realize they messed up, and also didn’t act quickly enough to try and retract it.
2. The video posted by William Holte posing as “Dan Purdy” was, on all fronts, super fucking weird
As stated in the above point, if you fuck the pooch this badly and you are the one dealing with the result, the response would be pretty immediate. But in this case the first response was twenty minutes after the tweet in question was posted, and that first reaction was another tweet by Dean Browning that was…. panicky at best.
Regarding the tweet that is going viral from my account — I was quoting a message that I received earlier this week from a follower.
Sorry if context was not clear.
Trump received record minority votes & record LGBTQ votes.
Many people won’t say it vocally, but do in private.
If you’re “quoting a message” from a follower… who posts that without, like, at least quotations? If this message was from last week, why would you just post it now? In response to a very specific reply to a tweet from two days ago? “Sorry if context was not clear”? Do you mean, “sorry if context was not clear based on the fact I gave no fucking context because there is none to give”? And, okay, if you can figure out how to copy+paste someone’s message into a tweet then you definitely know how to not hover the cursor over the “tweet” button and click it before you’re ready to. Twitter doesn’t post tweets if you just hit Enter. The next response from Dean Browning took a whole hour, and that was when he quote-tweeted the video from William Holte posing as “Dan Purdy.”
So, why did it take twenty minutes to realize that the tweet was posted from the wrong account? And what’s with the delay between Dean’s tweet addressing this and William Holte’s video?
Because Dean was the one who fucked up.
Dean was tweeting from his own account and looking through the comments of his most recent tweet, and he replied as Dan Purdy before switching to that account. He doesn’t get social media and he didn’t think to look at which account he posted from once he hit Enter; it took him twenty minutes to realize the mistake because he only became aware once it had been pointed out by others and become viral. And once that happened, his panic response was to address it and deny it vaguely and shift the focus away. It took over an hour for the 55-second video from “Dan Purdy” (William Holte) because Dean had to get in contact with William, the one who usually ran the fake account(s), fill him in on what happened, figure out what to do from there together, write a script for the video, and probably record a few takes.
But, like I said, this is just a theory. And whether it turns out to be true or false we’ll probably never know, and, honestly, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is Dean Browning, a Republican Congressional candidate in the 2020 race, who is still verified on Twitter, and William Holte, a Republican donor, are pretending to be fictitious Black LGBTQ+ people in order to push a right wing agenda and further Dean Browning’s political ambitions.
In other words, what really matters here is
Fuck the both of them.
And also Patti LaBelle is an angel and does not deserve to be dragged into this mess.
Hello, President Trump. You’ve lost the election. Soon, you won’t be president anymore – and that’s okay.
It’s okay to not be president. Most people aren’t.
There’s no use being anxious or mad about the election anymore because you lost, bitch. Listen to the sounds around you. Hear the people partying right outside of the White House, laughing at your defeat.
Think of a time in your life when you did something good for others, something that might redeem you a bit in the eyes of the universe. What’s that? You can’t think of anything? Well, if you conceded right now instead of continuing to be a little bitch, at least you’d have that.
Picture an illegal ballot in your head. Then imagine a fire-breathing dragon right next to it and understand that neither of these exist.
Now, see yourself behind a podium in front of the press, desperately awaiting for you to concede. It’s time to accept that you will probably go pee pee in your pants, cry, and fart all at the same time. That’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, Don-Don.
All right, Mr. President, it’s now time to open your eyes and accept the hell you’ve created for yourself. Bye bye. Bye bye.
THE MAYOR’S SON HAS BEEN A KIDNAPPED ON CHRISTMAS!!
Luckily, even during the holidays, Johnno and Michael are ready for ACTION. But before they can pursue justice, the boys gotta do a action-movie inspired slow-motion montage of cool poses and running in slow motion:
After their super-sexy montage is done, Johnno and Michael quickly track down and confront the kidnapper.
Thankfully, the mayor’s son is safe… but why wouldn’t he be? He’s not a kid, he’s a 36-year-old man who is significantly bigger than the extremely short kidnapper. Is this even a kidnapping!? THERE’S NO “KID” INVOLVED.
During the standoff with the “kid”napper, Franz Gruben, Johnno and Michael discover that Franz hates Christmas. In an attempt to deescalate the situation, the duo beg Franz to tell them why he hates the typically beloved holiday.
Though tensions are high, Franz opens up to them: when we was a boy, he was given coal for Christmas, EVEN THOUGH HIS SIBLINGS WERE JUST AS BADLY BEHAVED.
Oof. This totally explains why Franz HATES this holiday (but doesn’t really explain why he kidnapped the mayor’s son…). Can Johnno and Michael use Franz’s emotional vulnerability to save the day? You’ll just have the watch the episode to find out!
John Oliver very rarely covers the events of the past week on his show, even though the show itself is called Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. However, that has changed slightly over the course of this year. Mostly because some of the things that have transpired this year, for better or for worse (usually for worse), simply cannot be ignored or left unaddressed, like the horrific Kenosha shooting and how it was a glaring example of the systemic racism in this country, and, most recently, the 2020 general election.
For those of you who just returned from a week-long trek through a remote wood without any contact with society or for those who have just woken up from a coma, Donald Trump lost the election and Joe Biden will be our next president. When this news finally broke, the kind of joy and celebration that erupted all across this country was so incredible you’d think we’d just defeated a fascist dictator—
Because, well, y’know.
There’s a lot for John Oliver to cover, but everything revolves around or stems from one massively important part of the election — the insane lengths Trump, his inner circle, and his supporters have attempted to go in order to cheat and lie his way out of losing, some of which include:
Calling dibs on the states of Georgia, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania when the tide started to turn in Biden’s favor.
Simultaneously protesting for ballot counters to “stop the count” in Michigan, where Trump was in the lead, and to “count the votes” in Arizona, where he was losing. (Also, demanding that ballot counters “count the votes” when, uh, that’s literally what they’re doing, is hilarious)
Pushing debunked stories that thousands of fraudulent ballots from deceased people were cast, that batches of ballots for Trump were burned, that ballots for Trump were rejected because they were filled out in Sharpie, and more
Filing lawsuits in every state Trump lost based on hearsay, where his own lawyers literally admitted to the judge that there is no evidence to their claims
Claiming his poll watchers weren’t allowed in the rooms where ballots were being counted, which is so incorrect even FOX News was like, “That is a lie”
Setting up an entire website and hotline inviting people to submit evidence of voter fraud directly to the Trump campaign instead of, y’know, the election authorities
John Oliver, as always, details all of this and more succinctly and excellently, and perhaps the most important takeaways from this episode are that just because this battle is won, the war is not over. And the next step for America is to do some serious reconciling with the fact that yes, actually, this country does divide its people based on their race, gender, and national origin, and fixing that is where the real work begins.
The last point I do want to echo is that you can send pictures of anything you want to the Trump campaign’s voter fraud site. Like, ahem… anything. So get creative and have some fun out there!
Set in the isolated desert of Winslow, Arizona at NASA’s Moon Base Simulator (yes, that very same Winslow, Arizona for all you Eagles fans out there), Moonbase 8 follows eager astronauts Skip (Fred Armisen), Rook (Tim Heidecker) and their leader Cap (John C. Reilly) as they attempt to qualify for their first lunar mission.
While working vigorously to complete their training (and battling their own incompetence) a series of unexpected circumstances forces the astronauts to question their mental sanity, trust in each other and whether or not they’re cut out for space travel. In spite of it all, they remain determined to prove they have the right stuff to reach the moon!
Watch new episodes on Sundays at 11/10c on SHOWTIME.