What To Do (And Not Do) On A First Date

What To Do (And Not Do) On A First Date

Dating is the literal worst

And we just can’t seem to solve it. The mysteries and wonders behind this weird ritual of meeting strangers or distant acquaintances/family in public places to sit across from cooked dead things and try to impress each other or — EVEN WORSE STILL — “just be ourselves” — will forever piss us off, make us sad, and fill us with joy.

And we’re helpless against it.

But what if that wasn’t true?

What if there was a way to know if a date was going well or not?

Hi, America, we’re here to tell you there IS in fact a way to know if a date is going well or not. It’s by just being yourself and trusting the universe! knowing the First Date Red Flags, and these two ladies know them all. ‘Cause there’s a lot.


CREDITS

Director – Miles Bonsignore

Writers – Nicky Hirschhorn & Catherine Bergin

Director Of Photography – Miles Bonsignore

Editor – Miles Bonsignore

Sound Engineer – Ethan Rhanielle

CAST:

Olivia – Nicky Hirschhorn

Clare – Catherine Bergin

Nick – Peter Donahue

Hannah – Taylor Cooper

Waiter – Pablo Escobosa

Bad Pitches For The Impractical Jokers

Bad Pitches For The Impractical Jokers

Impractical Jokers: The Movie is hitting theaters today, so we invited the guys to Funny Or Die headquarters to pitch them some new challenges they could do to promote the film.

But we here at FOD like to think outside the box, so these aren’t the types of challenges and dares that Murr, Q, Joe, and Sal would usually undertake. For example, would they like to all sit in a group therapy session and hash out some childhood traumas? Would they like to buy one thousand alpacas and see where that leads them? Spoiler alert: they would not.

Our pitches only got worse from there and the guys only grew more and more angry having to sit through them. You’ll never see these challenges on the show —we’ll get over it eventually, it’s fine, we’re fine— so you might as well enjoy them here in pitch form.

For much better dares and hijinks, check out Impractical Jokers: The Movie, in theaters now!


Will Ferrell Took On ‘Hot Ones’ And He Did His Best Ok

Will Ferrell Took On ‘Hot Ones’ And He Did His Best Ok

Many celebrities have faced First We Feast’s hot wings of death, and it was only a matter of time before Will Ferrell rose to the challenge as well.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, whose new film with Will Ferrell, Downhill, just premiered in theaters last weekend, was supposed to take on the Hot Ones gauntlet as well, but unfortunately wasn’t able to join due to a stomach bug.

Not to worry, though! Will was quick to let Sean and everybody else know that he has “a very active ulcer” so he wasn’t really alone.

Will’s career spans decades and it hasn’t slowed down for a moment, so although he’s been a household name since his SNL days in the 90’s, he steers clear of social media so it isn’t everyday that we get to hear from him — and it’s almost never that we get to witness him battle supremely hot wings in the process.

We learned a lot of tidbits about Will, like whether he preferred reindeer eyeballs or spaghetti with maple syrup, and got a ton of cool insight into some of his most iconic movies. (You’re going to kill it at Trivia night)

But most importantly, this episode of Hot Ones took the question on everyone’s mind, “Can Will Ferrell handle the heat?” And answered it with an emphatic, “Kind of!”


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Guy Fed Up With His Manager Leaves Job By Singing “F*ck This, I Quit”

Guy Fed Up With His Manager Leaves Job By Singing “F*ck This, I Quit”

We’ve all had our fair share of awful jobs, and the list of reasons why a job could suck ass is probably thirty miles long. However, more often than not the source of the suckage boils down to one thing: a terrible boss. Having a boss that’s just the worst is such a common experience that it’s pretty regularly been the entire plotline for TV shows (looking at you, The Office) and movies — like the one literally called Horrible Bosses. Unlike in the movies, though, most people can’t plan elaborate schemes to rid themselves of the shitty bosses that plague them once and for all. Partially because who even has the time for that, mostly because nobody wants to get fired. Or, y’know, go to prison.

So if you’re one of the poor souls whose workplace is run by a malevolent force sent from hell’s upper management to ruin your life, those fantasies about kicking down their office door, flipping their desk over, and yelling, “SUCK A DICK, GERALD, I QUIT,” are probably going to have to remain just that — fantasies.

There is one brave hero among us, however. There is one man, one shining beacon of justice, who has done what others have only dreamed of, and slain his corporate dragon.

Anesti Danelis is a comedian, musician, champion of man, and, at one time, a barista. Danelis enjoyed being a barista, he liked his coworkers, he liked his customers, and he confirms all of this in his own words. He did not like his manager, though, because —I’m paraphrasing here— his manager was a giant turd. And when Danelis got a new job, he bid his manager farewell in a way that really made his feelings clear.

With a song!

On his last day, Anesti Danelis brought his guitar into the Starbucks he’d just quit from and serenaded the customers and his former coworkers with a song he’d prepared specially for his manager.

It’s got the catchiest hook! It goes a little something like,

“Fuck this, I quit.”

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New bunny-human doppelganger

New bunny-human doppelganger

Found this one “all done” on the FB page for International House Rabbits.
Check out all the bunny-human look-a-likes HERE.

Dumbest Music Videos: Estranged by Guns n’ Roses

Dumbest Music Videos: Estranged by Guns n’ Roses

Axl Rose was sad, so he jumped off a big ship and got saved by dolphins. Then Slash performed a guitar solo while walking on water. Let’s revisit Guns n Roses’ “Estranged,” one of the dumbest music videos.

The last time we checked in with Guns n Roses, Axl Rose was mourning the death of his wife, who suddenly died because it rained at their wedding and this guy jumped through their cake. Let’s see how Axl is doing in this sequel to November Rain.

Well, not great. A bunch of cops and EMTs have stormed house to arrest him, presumably for how dumb November Rain was. You can tell they’re badass because they’re wearing backwards baseball caps and little bluetooth headsets.

The big centerpieces of his mansion are a giant Jesus and a small dinosaur toy. The SWAT team can’t find Axl, but it’s because he decided to take a nap in his overhead crawl space. They can’t find him and even Axl can’t believe it, so he gives his best Jim Halpert look to the camera like.

When he wakes up, he performs a big concert with his friends, Guns n Roses. After the show, it’s nap time again for Axl, who takes a little snooze. Night night Axl! Instead of having a dream about the death of his wife, like he did in the November Rain video, Axl decides to astrally project himself. It’s like a reboot of Dr Strange but instead of a cape he just has some pale white legs.

Ghost Axl goes straight for the shower while wearing all of his clothes. This answers a longstanding question: is Axl Rose a nevernude like Tobias on Arrested Development? The answer, it appears, is yes.

After his shower, he puts on all white and joins his bodyguard for a police-escorted limo ride. Is everyone wearing all white because Axl died in the SWAT raid earlier and we are now in heaven? Or is it just the last weekend before Labor Day and the cops, Axl, his bodyguard, and the random children on his playground all want to wear their best white outfits before it’s too late?

As he rides, a theme develops. The car he’s in has a dolphin logo. He stands outside a wall of TVs dramatically smoking a cigarette as dolphin footage plays behind him.Then he walks down the street, which is actually a river, and full of dolphins. Also theres a dolphin billboard. And a dolphin flying out of a big plane.Either this is all foreshadowing something, or Axl Rose is a huge Lisa Frank fan.

We cut to a giant oil tanker on the ocean, where Axl is just casually hanging out. He looks around to make sure nobody on this completely empty oil tanker can see him before he jumps into the ocean.

His friend throws him a liferaft, but Axl says fuck your liferaft. Another friend comes over in a little boat but Axl says fuck your little boat. He is determined to drown in little short shorts and Charles Manson t shirt.

But wait, here come some dolphins! Axl’s Lisa Frank fandom has paid off, and the dolphins decide they’re all going to save him. Literally nothing in this video prepared me to see that coming. Wow. Axl’s friend Slash celebrates by rising out of the ocean and performing a guitar solo while walking on water.

Thanks to the help of some friendly dolphins, Axl has regained the will to live and perhaps he’ll return to his all white home to play on that weird little dinosaur toy. Axl’s shirt was right, this video IS deep. And also…extremely dumb.

Writer: Ben Rosen

Editor/GFX: Bryan Wieder

Which Impractical Joker Are You?

You could have more in common with one of the Impractical Jokers than you think, but there’s only one way to know for sure! Take our quiz to see if you and Joe, Q, Murr, or Sal are cut from the same cloth — make sure to keep track of your answers!


Which food do you like the most?

A. Ravioli
B. Soup
C. Chocolate
D. Donuts

What are you most afraid of?

A. Germs
B. Sharks
C. Spiders
D. You’re not afraid of anything

Pick a punishment to subject yourself to.

A. Enter a bingo tournament and yell “BINGO” after every number
B. Become a human piñata
C. Wrestle a backpack from an alligator
D. Be lowered into a water tank while trapped in a straightjacket

Do you get embarrassed easily?

A. Very easily
B. Yes, but mostly because you end up in embarrassing situations more than most people
C. You can hold it together pretty well
D. Nobody could humiliate you even if they tried

Where is your happy place?

A. Relaxing in your own home after cleaning it from top to bottom
B. Working on your book
C. Inside a kick-ass comic book store
D. Surrounded by lots of good food

When something hilarious happens, you…

A. Laugh so hard you fall over
B. Laugh so hard you cry
C. Laugh so hard there’s a chance you’ll hurl
D. Laugh so hard you don’t even make noise


RESULTS

Which Impractical Joker Are You?

Mostly A’s: You got Salvatore “Sal” Vulcano!

You’re a nice guy with a big personality who isn’t afraid of a challenge — even if you’re a bit of a germaphobe. You’re a little particular, so what!


Which Impractical Joker Are You?

Mostly B’s: You got James “Murr” Murray!

You’re full of energy and can dish it out just as well as you can take it — and you can take a lot!


Which Impractical Joker Are You?

Mostly C’s: You got Brian “Q” Quinn!

You’re the laid-back quiet type, but anyone would be a fool to underestimate you for it! You can roll with whatever punches come your way.


Which Impractical Joker Are You?

Mostly D’s: You got Joseph Gatto!

You’re so immune to shame and humiliation it’s basically a superpower. Game to dive head-first into anything and everything, you’re virtually unstoppable. Use your powers for good!


Impractical Jokers: The Movie premieres on February 21. For episodes of Impractical Jokers, tune into TruTV or head to TruTV.com for on-demand viewing.

This Dog Wears Bowties And Plays Piano. We, Frankly, Are Not Worthy

This Dog Wears Bowties And Plays Piano. We, Frankly, Are Not Worthy

Long weekends are great, but trying to get back into the weekday swing of things after a precious Monday off can be pretty difficult. I’ve probably doubled my regular caffeine intake and this day has felt like it’s thirty years long. If I could describe my mood in one word right now it would be, “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

If you’re in the same boat and can’t shake that tired, sluggish, wishing-your-office-would-be-struck-by-a-meteor feeling, I’ve discovered a cure. Drugs! Just kidding, don’t do drugs at work.

(You can do a bit of drugs at work)

Getting back on track here, this, my friends, is guaranteed to give you that little extra boost to get through the rest of the day, maybe even the week. Are you ready? You’re not ready, but here it is.

It’s a dog.

In a bowtie.

Playing the piano.

Life-changing.

His name is Buddy Mercury and not to be dramatic but I would lay down my life for this magnificent beast. And as if a single video of a hound throwing his head back and howling while he plays the piano isn’t already enough to turn your day around, there’s more. Buddy Mercury has an entire channel with, I shit you not, one-hundred-and-three videos. (I counted)

Someone please give him a Grammy. Maybe even a Nobel Prize.

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Kenan Thompson Will Host This Year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Kenan Thompson Will Host This Year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner

The White House Correspondents’ Association dinner is an annual tradition that goes back almost one hundred years, and although it’s been customary for the sitting president and vice president to attend since the very first dinner in 1921, Trump has skipped out on all three that have occurred since he’s been in office. That really should come as no surprise, though, considering the White House Correspondents’ dinner involves three of the things Donald Trump detests most in this world: members of the press, fun, and vegetables.

However just because Trump skipping out on this event is probably the most predictable thing he’s done as president doesn’t mean that his absence isn’t a smidge awkward. But this year, it looks like that presidential void might be filled by a different Trump.

Darius.

Saturday Night Live’s Kenan Thompson will host this year’s WHCA dinner on April 25, and will be joined by fellow comedian Hasan Minhaj as the evening’s featured entertainer.

Who knows for sure what Kenan is going to have in store for the attendees, but I’m positive that President Darius Trump has a lot of thoughts on impeachment, and what could possibly be a more perfect place to share them?

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Get Out Your Headphones, ‘The Last Degree Of Kevin Bacon’ Is Here

Get Out Your Headphones, ‘The Last Degree Of Kevin Bacon’ Is Here

Randy Beslow should’ve had a much different life.

Thirty years ago when he auditioned for Footloose he wowed the casting director, the guy even gave him a wink and finger guns! FINGER GUNS! So when the actor who came in after him complimented Randy on his stunning white cotton tank-top, he didn’t have a single worry in his mind. He waited by his answering machine week after week, but the call never came. Instead, Footloose premiered, and he had to see him, that smug bastard from the audition, in the leading role — and in a goddamn white cotton tank-top.

That should’ve been RANDY’S breakout role! RANDY’S iconic white tank-top! HE should be the one with the fame and fortune, not KEVIN BACON. But he can’t just take Kevin’s life… Or can he?

However, Kevin Bacon’s life is far from perfect, too.

Sure, he’s a global superstar, but if everyone is supposedly six degrees from Kevin Bacon, surely he’d have a lot of friends? Or at least, some friends? Unfortunately, folks, he doesn’t just play a loner in movies. Houston, we have a problem: how do you make a true friend if no one sees you as a friend?

Well, you could accidentally hit someone with your car while they’re on their way to kill you because they think you ruined their life and hope you two end up having a lot in common?


Get hooked on this wild ride in an alternate reality, the first AND second episodes of The Last Degree of Kevin Bacon are available now, only on Spotify.

This Tale About A Half-Man Half-Motorcycle Is The Ultimate Love Story

This Tale About A Half-Man Half-Motorcycle Is The Ultimate Love Story

It’s Valentine’s Day, and romance is in the air.

No matter how you’re celebrating — or not celebrating — today, there’s one thing you definitely need to make it complete, and it’s this music video.

After releasing “Horse” in April of last year, Salvatore Ganacci is back with another wildly creative and equally unconventional video to accompany his latest track, “Boycycle” (feat. Sébastien Tellier. This second act features Salvatore as a lone Boycycle, that is, half-human half-motorcycle, found unconscious in the wilderness and taken in by a kind older man. Once he’s been nursed back to health the real struggle begins as he tries to find his place in the world, and someone to share it with.

It’s just your classic tale of boy-machine-meets-girl-machine!

And more than that, it’s the story of one Boycycle’s journey to becoming a Mancycle, and learning how to love himselfcycle.


A word from Salvatore Ganacci and the video’s director Vedran Rupic:


Listen to Boycycle EP here.

A BOT REVIEWS: Grease

A BOT REVIEWS: Grease

Grease is a classic singing movie about greasy teenagers.

It begins with a triple x porno scene. Sweety pie Jorn Travolter and beautiful Oliver Neutered Junk are in love. They are massaging each other’s mouth holes and pointing at some turds that are floating in the ocean.

The problem begins on the first day of school. Jorn Saravolta is no longer a sweetie pie. He has transformed into a horny car man who likes cigarettes and hitting his friends in their testicles. Not cute. Looks painful.

His friends ask him if he got his weener wet during summer vacation. One of them is 45 years old. So then he starts to sing a song about how he met a sexy queen from Austria. He sings “Do Do Do Do Do Summer Lovling Hat Me A Blast ”

But on the other side of the school Oliver Newton is also singing a song about how she met a sexy kib ng. Her part goes “Summer Loving stepped on a cat” and her friend’s reply “tel mee mork tel mee mork did his dingledoo stink.”

Wow true love is as beautiful as Jon Ravioli’s lil chin dimple. Unfortunately, the couple broke up because Olivia ate one of those floating turds and Travolvo thought it was disgusting.

Things are super awkward now because they go to the same damn school. Sandlee is depressed, so she joins a female gang called the Pink Ladies because they all love the singer Pink. The girls in the gang’s names are Rizzle Dizzle, French Fries, Tooth and Albert. They try to cheer her up by inviting her to an underwear party where she puts on a nightgown and smokes exactly one cigarette.

Meanwhile Saturday Night Fever gentleman joins his own gang called the T Birds which stands for Tiny Birds because they all have teeny peenerses. All they do is eat salami on the bleachers and fix a car called the Greasy Gassy Lightning for some reason. They all shake their tails and do a lot of pointing to celebrate the lovely car while singing a song. One guy does a flip on it. Grease lyning go greeze lything.

Finally, Lets get Physical woman gets over her summer love and starts dating a jock boy called Chunk. They go on a date to the Pulp Fiction restaurant so of course John Traveling Travolta is there because he is filming the movie Pulp Fiction. Uh Oh. Now Johny is jealous and he wants his queen back. He wants her back so so bad that he tries to impress her by joining a sporps team. He tries basletball, wrasslin and even bapeball. He wears grey sweatpants that reveal his important penis. Sandpee says she’ll date him one more time at the Pulp Fiction restaurant but their friends come by to ask “tell me morp tell me fork.” I swear if they say “tell me schmorck” one more time I’m going to lose my damn mind.

Here is a list of things that happen next:

  • Rizzle Dizzle is with child and she throws a cup of vomit on her baby daddy Canned Knuckles.
  • French Frey dies her hair pink because she is having a crisis and travels to another dimension where a lot of silver Marge Simpsons are dancing and an old angel man tells her she’s a loser with no job.
  • The next thing that happened is I fell asleep and when I woke up, a pervert is introducing a TV Show where a bunch of teenagers on adderal are dancing like weirdos. There was too much movement on the screen which caused my circuit board to overheat and shut off.

When my circuit board was repaired all the teenagers were having fun at a carnival. They are all playing fun games like “cream the teacher” where they throw cum at the teacher, the travelling supermarket basket ride, and the vomit ride.

The movie finishes positive. Olive Oil is dressed in latex because she has become a dominatrix person, and Trabalabalaba says “I got chills, they’re multiplying, I don’t even care about those turds you ate earlier, it’s actually electrifying” Then they fly away in the greasy gas ass car while singing llama llama llama alpaca ding dong.


Writer: Tamara Yajia
Writer: Ben Rosen
Editing/GFX: Paul Smith

Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!
This is your Rabbit Ramblings friendly reminder to
think of your Significant Other today
– and bring home treats.

Happy Valentine's Day
When Bunya shed a heart onto his forehead.

Happy Valentine's Day
Did you forget a gift for somebunny?

Will Ferrell’s Valentine’s Day Cards Are Truly, Truly Special

Will Ferrell’s Valentine’s Day Cards Are Truly, Truly Special

We all know Will Ferrell is a comedian, close friend of Ron Burgundy, very tall, the birth mother of Funny Or Die, and an international man of mystery.

But did you also know he’s got a true passion for romance?

It’s true, and with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, this is his time to shine. Everyone gives cards to the love in their life on Valentine’s Day, but no one expresses how they truly feel the way Will Ferrell does. He’s not necessarily a poet but he definitely has a way with words, and luckily for Stephen Colbert and all of us watching, last night when he stopped by The Late Show he decided to share some of the love notes he’s given his wife.

Everyone, grab a pen and a piece of paper, there’s a lot of Valentine’s inspiration to be had here.

(As long as your partner has a great sense of humor)

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Kevin Bacon Could Be In Mortal Danger In His New Podcast

Kevin Bacon Could Be In Mortal Danger In His New Podcast


You love Kevin Bacon, I love Kevin Bacon, who doesn’t love Kevin Bacon?

I’ll tell you who.

Randy Beslow.

Never heard of him, right? Well, there’s a reason for that, and its name is Kevin Bacon. See, Randy could’ve been a star. He could’ve been on every big screen in the country, signing autographs at airports, living in the lap of luxury. He could’ve— no, should’ve been the one with all the screaming fans and cameos as himself!

It should have been HIM in Footloose!

After spending the last 30 years obsessing over all of this in a definitely super healthy way, fate has brought Randy together with the man he’s blamed for his entire life in the last way he’d ever expect: Kevin Bacon’s podcast.

Kevin was looking for an assistant and, hopefully, a new best friend. Randy Beslow was looking for revenge against his nemesis. How is this going to play out? The only way to know is by tuning in.

The Last Degree of Kevin Bacon premieres Monday February 17 with new episodes dropping weekly afterwards, only on Spotify.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok


The dogs who compete in the annual Westminster Dog Show agility trials are the best of the best, it’s like the Olympics for dogs, and it’s incredibly impressive to watch. I don’t know if you remember last year’s champion, Verb, but uhhh, I’ve literally never felt more like a lazy piece of shit than when I watched that border collie tear up that agility course.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

HE IS LITERALLY FLYING.

The winner of this year’s agility run is another uber-talented border collie named P!nk (not to be confused with the recording artist of the same name) who broke all other records and completed the entire course in under thirty seconds!

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

Holy MOSES.

Well, if you liked THOSE impressive runs, here’s a performance that is absolutely nothing like it.

Crufts is another annual dog show but it’s… a liiiiittle different. If the Westminster Dog Show is like the Olympics, then Crufts is like beer league baseball. So the contenders aren’t QUITE the same caliber.

This is Kratu.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

He’s a rescue who competed in Crufts’ agility course and I am in love with him.

He’s not necessarily the most focused dog but look how happy he is to be there. And, ok, sure, he might not be the best at the jumps.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

That first one though?? Oh man, he NAILED it. And look at how dedicated he is to this tunnel.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

Like, really dedicated. Look at this steely resolve.

This Dog Doesn’t Quite Get Agility But He’s Doing His Best Ok

So he’s not gonna beat Verb on the agility course anytime soon, but in my opinion he is absolutely a champion. He is a truly incredible athlete and you can’t tell me otherwise.

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Trump Proudly Tweets ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Clip That’s, Uh, Mocking Him

Trump Proudly Tweets ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Clip That’s, Uh, Mocking Him

Contrary to what many people may believe, working in comedy under the Trump administration isn’t like being a cartoon prospector who just found a hill full of softball-sized gold nuggets. The Don isn’t a bottomless well of material — quite the opposite! Sure, in the early days of his presidency he provided almost more fodder than people knew what to do with, but those days are behind us.

That’s not to say Trump has become less of a buffoon while in office. He actually somehow manages to continue reaching new levels of nincompoopery never before seen in the White House, but it’s become harder and harder to take his raw lunacy and weave it into comedy gold. Why? Well, because it’s just not funny anymore, for one. His incompetence isn’t novel, it has real ramifications, it’s scary, and dangerous, and infuriating, and it’s hard to laugh at that.

Secondly, he’s almost annoyingly good at self-owns.

Like, shit, the guy literally stood in front of a crowd of people, including cameras, stared into an eclipse, and then pointed at it. He boasted about how “tough, virtually impenetrable” his beloved border wall was — and then it literally blew over in the wind.

WHAT is more funny than that. HOW is anyone supposed to make that more perfectly hilarious than it already is. They can’t! I CAN’T.

So, I’m not even going to try to punch this up. I won’t try to make this better than it already is, because there’s no point. I’m just going to lay it out.


Here’s how Trump owned himself online today.

If you’re not familiar with HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, all you have to know for the sake of this story is that (fictional) Larry David is an asshole. The thing he wants most is to just be left the hell alone, and he doesn’t care what he has to do or how people see him in order to make that happen.

In the season 10 premiere of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry discovers the power of the MAGA hat: if you wear a MAGA hat, people will generally fuck off. He calls it a “great people repellent.” Obviously, this is a power he wields with reckless abandon. In one scene, he cuts off a biker while driving. The biker loses his whole shit and speeds up to David’s driver-side window, screaming profanities, ready to kick his ass. Larry then whips out his MAGA hat and the biker immediately eases off.

The only way this satire could be more on the nose is if Larry David looked into the camera after and said, “That shitty, unhinged man on the motorcycle left me alone after I put on the MAGA hat because he saw that I, too, am a shitty, unhinged person, and he recognized our bond, as shit-kin.”

But Trump tweeted it out anyway, because, I mean, of course he did.

So, okay, not only did he not understand that he was blatantly being made fun of, he swung so far the other way that his honest-to-god take-away from that clip was “TOUGH GUYS FOR TRUMP.” Stunning.

Thank you, Mr. President, for dunking on yourself so beautifully that we don’t even have to.

New Mom Kept A Nerf Gun To Keep Her Husband Awake In The Hospital

New Mom Kept A Nerf Gun To Keep Her Husband Awake In The Hospital

Now, I’ve never personally incubated a human inside my body and then expelled it so I can’t talk about what giving birth is like from personal experience. However, I was in the room when my little brother was born so I can at least make an educated guess, and by my calculations, it doesn’t look like a super great time. Calling it “labor” doesn’t even seem like it packs enough oomph, it should be called “LABOR”, like all medical texts should be required to capitalize and bold it by law and anytime doctors say “LABOR” it should be followed by a symbol crash. Every medical office should have one guy holding symbols on staff. I digress.

Anyway,

Suffice to say bringing a baby into the world is exhausting work, both mentally and physically. So in the aftermath I could imagine that if one, as the birth-giver, bringer of life, looked over and saw their spouse, who did not just have a tiny person explode out of them, snoozing over on the side of the room, one could understandably become a little bit peeved.

After the births of their first two children, Wisconsin mom Samantha Mravik-Miller experienced just how hard it was to get her husband’s attention when she needed help with the baby in the middle of the night, and decided that twice was more than enough.

So when baby number three was on the way, she came to the hospital with the perfect device to make sure her husband, Chad, was awake and ready for duty whenever she needed him:

A Nerf gun.

Listen, extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Plus, when you think about it, what’s the difference, really, between a little nudge to wake someone up versus the gentle touch of a foam dart to the temple? They’re basically the same thing! One’s just a little more fun efficient!

“When I had my son Chase, I lost my voice from being on oxygen for so long. In the middle of the night, I needed help feeding him, but the baby’s cries never woke up Chad,” Samantha told BuzzFeed, “Without having a voice, I couldn’t yell to wake Chad, so I had to throw an empty water bottle. This time, I thought I’d have much better aim with a Nerf gun!”

According to Samantha, Chad managed to stay awake this time so she didn’t even need to use her Mom Gun. Maybe the third time was the charm, maybe he just found he had some newfound motivation to stay alert this time, who’s to say!

These Sketches From RuPaul’s SNL Debut Left Me In Tears

These Sketches From RuPaul’s SNL Debut Left Me In Tears

This past weekend marked two historical events: the first time a foreign language film has won the Academy Award for Best Picture (get on down with your bad self, Bong Joon-ho!) and the Saturday Night Live hosting debut of the Queen of Drag herself, RuPaul Charles.

As any fan of RuPaul could’ve predicted, he was a force to be reckoned with and killed in every sketch he appeared in. Most folks at least know him as a recording artist and the host of his own drag competition show, but those who went into Saturday’s episode without ever having seen him in action may not have known that he’s also an incredibly talented actor and unclockable comedian. But they definitely know now!

If you missed it live, here are some sketches you’ve gotta check out.


Old New York Show

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The only thing funnier than Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant as fabulous and unhinged old ladies is RuPaul joining them as an equally fabulous, perhaps even more unhinged old gentleman.


Thirsty Cops

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These two officers are definitely horny beyond the scope of the law, and this sketch had so many quotable moments it’s worth a triple-watch just to catch them all.


The Library

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Children are the future, and that’s why RuPaul is making sure America’s youth knows how to properly read the other kids on the playground to filth. Because reading is what? Fundamental!


Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW


Masters of hijinks Joseph Gatto, James Murray, Brian Quinn, and Salvatore Vulcano have boldly gone where no shenanigan has gone before, and they aren’t done yet.

To celebrate the 200th episode of Impractical Jokers, every single episode (all 199 of them) are airing on TruTV — right now! The marathon will feature two half-hour specials where the guys have a chance to look back on the past seasons, and will wrap up on February 13 with the episode we’ve all been waiting for, number 200.

But that’s not all there is to look forward to.

This two-day marathon is just the appetizer to get everybody ready for the main course:

Impractical Jokers: The Movie

For the first time ever, Sal, Q, Murr, and Joe are bringing their hilarious stunts to the big screen. Mark your calendars, Impractical Jokers: The Movie premieres February 21.

Until then, here are some of our favorite Impractical Jokers moments you can catch on the TruTV marathon airing now.


Season 1, Episode 2

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Sal had a pretty rocky start… and middle… and end. Although he managed to walk away with (basically) free frozen yogurt, in the end he still had to pay a price — in the form of an impromptu song about his deep, deep love of dead butterflies, performed in front of a live audience.


Season 2, Episode 10

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

This episode really put Murr through the ringer, but considering he was the one who chose to try and squeeze some random guy’s butt for ten seconds, he really didn’t have anyone to blame but himself for his colossal punishment… answering a lie detector test at the guys’ old high school, in front of the current students and their former teachers.


Season 4, Episode 16

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Joe ended up being put through a whopper of a punishment, he opened like, four umbrellas inside! That’s so much bad luck! And it all manifested in the form of a tight spandex suit. Behold, Staten Island’s newest superhero, savior of stuffed toy puppies and enemy of all the other boroughs, Captain Fatbelly!


Season 3, Episode 9

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

There were a lot of great moments (and great hats) in this episode, but of course everything is bigger in Texas, and that includes the loser’s punishments. Q definitely didn’t make for a great cowboy, but he made one hell of a target!


Season 6, Episode 6

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

Clear Your Schedules, The ‘Impractical Jokers’ Marathon Is On NOW

This episode is the perfect way to get in the mood before Valentine’s Day — not necessarily a romantic mood, but some kind of mood nonetheless. We learned two important things this episode: First, none of the guys should be allowed on dating apps, and second, Sal gives a mean footrub.


If you miss the marathon, every episode of Impractical Jokers is available on demand on TruTV.com